The angry at Chelsea post

Jeremy Kyle

There is morning time, afternoon and evening, this is the natural order to a day, it can basically be segmented into these three categories for most people around the world. However i would like to propose a new time, that of 'student time'. This consists of anything between 10 in the morning and 4 in the afternoon, and the way that this can be defined is 'the time in which the majority of chat shows are broadcast'.
Everybody knows that chat shows are the life support of students, i could go for several days without eating as i have faith that Trisha and Jeremy (from now on known as Jezza) will supply me with all of the wholesome nutrients that my body needs to keep me fit any healthy, I have even heard rumours that Jezza's show does in fact contain 3 of your five a day. However, now that i can sustain myself from my parents fridge when i'm at home, I take less nutritional value from these shows than I would do in a cold foodless environment, and I realise that there is no other word to describe Jezza than as a wanker.
People are always so grateful to come on his show, they put on their best Argos Gold, iron their best adidas poppers and make sure that their hair is well and truly stuck to their head's before they walk out and sit in the most uncomfortable looking seats in history.
I dont see these chairs are places where one can place themselves to take the weight off their feet, they are nothing more than stocks, keeping these people in place so that both the audience and Jeremy Kyle can judge them for the poor excuses for human beings that they are and then pelt them with garbage, albeit in a verbal form.
The self righteous, arrogant and rude demeanour that Jezza puts across is not that of an educated man. It is that of a halfwit attempting to look intelligent, by using some incredibly basic and limited mechanisms. I will give you examples of this:

• The Overuse of the word 'right'

This word may be something powerful to be used once in a while, something to add punch to a sentence, to put your point across forcefully. Obviously doing anything in small measure is something that Jezza does not understand the concept of. He tyrades these people with garbage, and then uses the word 'right' instead of breathing or punctuating his sentences. In fact i think that should enough people actually watch his show, instead of having the mandatory full stop at the end of a sentence, microsoft will simply prompt you to type 'right' , as this has become a the correct way to finish a sentence right

• Where do you come from Jezza?

How many times can one man say 'Now (dramatic pause) where i come from people don't...'. Well Jezza, firstly where you come from, in a broad context, is Britain, and as the majority of the people who appear on your show are also British they come from the same place, so where you come from ie Britain people do actually take part in most bad things, rape, murder, molest kids, support the BNP, watch Jeremy Kyle (I know the last two are almost the same thing, i apologise for repetition) so taking the high ground doesnt really work. Unless he is being super duper specific, because that way he comes from his fathers testicles, so in his fathers testicles i would be incredibly suprised if a rundown alcoholic fellow left his wife on their wedding night to go and sleep with his secret lover.

• Raising your voice does not make what you say more important

Just to justify this point i am going to type the rest of this in CAPITAL LETTERS. WHAT I AM SAYING NOW IS NOT IMPORTANT, BUT IT WILL MAKE PEOPLE LOOK AT THIS PARAGRAPH AS IF IT IS. THIS IS THE SAME WAY THAT JEZZA MANAGES TO SEEM IMPORTANT, ITS ALMOST LIKE A VOCAL CHORDS CONTEST, A CASE IN POINT THAT THE MAN WITH THE LOUDEST VOICE CAN ACTUALLY WIN ANY ARGUMENT. MAYBE UNDER THIS RULE WE SHOULD HAVE BRIAN BLESSED AS PRIME MINISTER, THAT WAY NOBODY WOULD EVER FUCK WITH US.

Basically, the point of this post is that Jeremy Kyle is an imbeccile, he fools people into coming onto his show so that they can be verbally attacked by him. Imagine if somebody with intelligence came on his show and had an argument with him. If i did it would end up something like this:

Jezza: NOW...JUDE WHERE I COME FROM PEOPLE DON'T WRITE BLOGS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE

Jude:Really old Jezza, now where is it that you come from?

Jezza: RIGHT, I ASK THE QUESTIONS,RIGHT

Jude: Ok, Jeremy, go on you are amazing me, i am lost in your attractive 90's hairstyle and poetically, completely non grating spoken prose

Jezza: RIGHT WHY DID YOU FEEL THAT YOU HAD TO WRITE THAT BLOG RIGHT

Jude: Graham from behind the scenes asked me to do, it was a distraction because he has actually hung himself as i pointed out that he did all the hard fixing work sorting out these people who have suffered massive emotional problems, whilst you just nonchalantly perch on the steps making eyes at the moderately attractive guests. SORT YOURSELF OUT FOR GODSAKE...

G20 paranoia

It has been a while since i have had the time to write on my blog, which for everyone who reads them, is devastating. However, like a beacon of hope i have emerged from the embers of ridiculous amounts of uni work and much like a phoenix rise again to bring you some hard hitting, completely opinion based shananigans.
One of the reasons that i have not been able to write on here, as well as the uni work, has been that i have been working at the Times for a week. This was alot of fun, despite the obvious getting up at 8 every morning and fighting through the suits on the tube to get to the door. In this week i managed to get alot done, and have learnt a massive amount about working in a newspaper, and also a massive amount about how much free stuff they get. From the apparently unpaid work experience i managed to come away with a free xbox 360 game and two (slightly odd) books.

I think that i chose the right week to do my work experience as it was probably the most exciting news week of the year, as well as being across April fools day. One of the best things that i managed to do with myself during the week was to go to the financial fools protests in front of the bank of England. This was less of a protest than a shindig, despite how the press and the police want to justify the excessive restrictions put forth by the police.

When i arrived i walked out of Monument station and found that i was at the front of the protest, surrounded by odd smells, greasy hair and thousands of roll up cigarettes. This was quite fun, i saw somebody in a wheelchair being wheeled around blaring out Rage Against The Machine, and obvious child from the 90's. As i like this music i decided that i would walk next to them and not only enjoy the good music, but also have a little chuckle at the intense looking police force, who looked like they wanted to start a fight. They had donned riot gear for a bunch of hippies and students. I maintain that the reason for the lack of violence later was because the meeting time for the protest was 11, and as the majority of the people there were jobless, this was well before their normal waking time.

As i walked further i met up with my friend Oz, who was zipping around taking hundreds of photographs of generic dreadlocked hippies looking angry. He was one among thousands. When we eventually managed to get to the bank of England we climbed into the fenced off area in the middle of the square, as not only did this offer some respite from the pushing, but also, we thought that this would give us a better view from which we could take photos. Wrong. I couldnt even see the protesters as the photographers and reporters were totally surrounding the entire elevated area. I can honestly say that there were more photographers than protesters. My point in proven when you watch the RBS windows being smashed, nobody knew what was going to happen there, it was spontaneous, yet hundreds of photographers were around it, with seemingly only two protesters.

By this point however i had left, as i had to be back in the office, and i knew that the police would be shutting down the streets within minutes. So i walked back to the street that i had walked up, only to be confronted with several burly police officers. 'Sorry, you can't come through here' when i asked them why, and how this would stop the protests i got a generic 'move along sir'. I even pointed out that i was dressed smartly, smart shoes, chinos, shirt-i looked anything but a protestor. I even showed my pass for The Times House, to show that i was working there, not trying to bring down the establishment. I could understand not letting more people in, but people attempting to get out were stopped, how could i become more involved in a protest if i was walking away from it? If i wanted to cause havoc elsewhere in London, inconveniencing my passage would not stop me in the long run. I had to try five different roads until one police man said 'Mate, if you are working for The Times then you want to stay here, it will kick off'. Now this statement was wrong on so many levels, so i decided to point out the most obvious one 'Well Sir, as you probably understand, one condition of working somewhere is that you are in attendance at that place in order to perform the tasks to which you are assigned. If i am stuck in a crowd of smelly hippies, that means i am not at my desk, not doing my assigned work, and therefore am more likely to lose this oppurtunity'. He seemed to understand this and eventually, after multiple showings of my ID, my pass and several questions about why i was here, he let me through. Now i shall go onto the second reasont that this statement was wrong. If the forces which are assigned to the protest have a preconceived notion that things will 'kick off' then surely this shows a degree of paranoia. This was shown later on when the police reaction to what appeared to be minor scuffles was way over the top, and simply added to the problem.

So to be frank, this post is less about hippies protesting (fruitlessly) about bankers but more about a paranoid policing policy creating violence, where before none would have even been contemplated.