Jeremy Kyle

There is morning time, afternoon and evening, this is the natural order to a day, it can basically be segmented into these three categories for most people around the world. However i would like to propose a new time, that of 'student time'. This consists of anything between 10 in the morning and 4 in the afternoon, and the way that this can be defined is 'the time in which the majority of chat shows are broadcast'.
Everybody knows that chat shows are the life support of students, i could go for several days without eating as i have faith that Trisha and Jeremy (from now on known as Jezza) will supply me with all of the wholesome nutrients that my body needs to keep me fit any healthy, I have even heard rumours that Jezza's show does in fact contain 3 of your five a day. However, now that i can sustain myself from my parents fridge when i'm at home, I take less nutritional value from these shows than I would do in a cold foodless environment, and I realise that there is no other word to describe Jezza than as a wanker.
People are always so grateful to come on his show, they put on their best Argos Gold, iron their best adidas poppers and make sure that their hair is well and truly stuck to their head's before they walk out and sit in the most uncomfortable looking seats in history.
I dont see these chairs are places where one can place themselves to take the weight off their feet, they are nothing more than stocks, keeping these people in place so that both the audience and Jeremy Kyle can judge them for the poor excuses for human beings that they are and then pelt them with garbage, albeit in a verbal form.
The self righteous, arrogant and rude demeanour that Jezza puts across is not that of an educated man. It is that of a halfwit attempting to look intelligent, by using some incredibly basic and limited mechanisms. I will give you examples of this:

• The Overuse of the word 'right'

This word may be something powerful to be used once in a while, something to add punch to a sentence, to put your point across forcefully. Obviously doing anything in small measure is something that Jezza does not understand the concept of. He tyrades these people with garbage, and then uses the word 'right' instead of breathing or punctuating his sentences. In fact i think that should enough people actually watch his show, instead of having the mandatory full stop at the end of a sentence, microsoft will simply prompt you to type 'right' , as this has become a the correct way to finish a sentence right

• Where do you come from Jezza?

How many times can one man say 'Now (dramatic pause) where i come from people don't...'. Well Jezza, firstly where you come from, in a broad context, is Britain, and as the majority of the people who appear on your show are also British they come from the same place, so where you come from ie Britain people do actually take part in most bad things, rape, murder, molest kids, support the BNP, watch Jeremy Kyle (I know the last two are almost the same thing, i apologise for repetition) so taking the high ground doesnt really work. Unless he is being super duper specific, because that way he comes from his fathers testicles, so in his fathers testicles i would be incredibly suprised if a rundown alcoholic fellow left his wife on their wedding night to go and sleep with his secret lover.

• Raising your voice does not make what you say more important

Just to justify this point i am going to type the rest of this in CAPITAL LETTERS. WHAT I AM SAYING NOW IS NOT IMPORTANT, BUT IT WILL MAKE PEOPLE LOOK AT THIS PARAGRAPH AS IF IT IS. THIS IS THE SAME WAY THAT JEZZA MANAGES TO SEEM IMPORTANT, ITS ALMOST LIKE A VOCAL CHORDS CONTEST, A CASE IN POINT THAT THE MAN WITH THE LOUDEST VOICE CAN ACTUALLY WIN ANY ARGUMENT. MAYBE UNDER THIS RULE WE SHOULD HAVE BRIAN BLESSED AS PRIME MINISTER, THAT WAY NOBODY WOULD EVER FUCK WITH US.

Basically, the point of this post is that Jeremy Kyle is an imbeccile, he fools people into coming onto his show so that they can be verbally attacked by him. Imagine if somebody with intelligence came on his show and had an argument with him. If i did it would end up something like this:

Jezza: NOW...JUDE WHERE I COME FROM PEOPLE DON'T WRITE BLOGS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE

Jude:Really old Jezza, now where is it that you come from?

Jezza: RIGHT, I ASK THE QUESTIONS,RIGHT

Jude: Ok, Jeremy, go on you are amazing me, i am lost in your attractive 90's hairstyle and poetically, completely non grating spoken prose

Jezza: RIGHT WHY DID YOU FEEL THAT YOU HAD TO WRITE THAT BLOG RIGHT

Jude: Graham from behind the scenes asked me to do, it was a distraction because he has actually hung himself as i pointed out that he did all the hard fixing work sorting out these people who have suffered massive emotional problems, whilst you just nonchalantly perch on the steps making eyes at the moderately attractive guests. SORT YOURSELF OUT FOR GODSAKE...