I have written some absolute shit on here haven't I?

So I was just reading one of my friends blogs today, which is amazing, not just because of the incredible intelligence and wit (she goes to Oxford) but also at the incredible insight that I have now gained into her life. These deeply personal, sometimes troubling but infinitely interesting subjects are thoughts that she has obviously felt compelled to write down and tell people about, and this is one of the bravest things that I can think of anybody to do.

A few years ago I had a dreadful, life changing, emotionally shattering experience and the thought of putting it on here scares me. To think that people knew why I thought in a certain way, why I can and can't deal with certain situations, sounds, pictures is literally petrifying. My parents don't even know the depth that I sank to afterwards, which is maybe an indictment to how I am a fairly withdrawn person. I can't even remember how many times I have cried about it (less so now) and I think that only 2 people have ever seen me doing it.

Does this show that I am a victim of being sucked in to the man libido of not wanting to be seen crying or is it that I don't want people to see me at my weakest moment? I think perhaps the latter. I recently had a mini argument with somebody over the concept of writing an article from a personal view. The other person argued that it does not make good writing, that all journalism should be objective and that it is not something that should be published. I think that personal writing makes the best stories and shows the most emotion, after all what better way is there to get into somebody else's head, than letting them crawl inside yours?

What is it with THAT name

This summer, apart from the joke that is jury duty, I have been working on a building site. It is a typical building site, tea cups that look slightly off colour, some extreme views about foreigners taking our jobs, and an old radio pumping out radio 2.
Now radio 2 is the most popular radio station in the UK, and with some of the djs you can understand why, Terry Wogans dulcet tones, Steve Wrights querky features etc etc. However there is one dj who makes me want to throw the radio into the nearest pit full of wet cement, and that man is Jeremy Vine.
I have written before about a Jeremy, Mr Jeremy-Satan-Kyle, and I expressed my immense displeasure at his ridiculous views and treatment of others on his show. What is it about that name that breeds cunts? You would have thought that they would have had a sense of humour, bearing in mind there parents must have been jokers to give them such a ridiculous name in the first place. We seem to be in a plague of Jeremys at the moment. Fuck swine flu, this shit is serious.
Jeremy Vine is not only shoulder deep inside his own colon, but he is also a crap dj. An interviewer needs to guide an interview, without imposing but letting the other person say what needs to be said. This isnt done by Mr Vine, he would rather ramble through an interview asking irrelevant questions in such a smug self loving way that I wouldnt be suprised if he took a recording of his show home every night, put it on his expensive stereo, stared into a mirror and masturbated furiously.
You have heard enough about my feelings about Jeremy Kyle, and so i would like to point to another Jeremy whom, despite being a funny man, is in fact a show of everything that is wrong in this society. That man is no less than the lanky, tight jeaned, living in the 90's, Jeremy Clarkson.

A controversial decision, yes, but he is such a self loving, fuck everybody else, figure that it is a wonder how anybody else likes him! I dont want to go into a rant about Mr Clarkson, I will simply give a brief outline of how up his own arse this man is.
This was the basic outline of an interview of Dr Stephen Ladyman (too easy) the transport minister.

Clarkson: Whats with all the speed cameras!?
Ladyman: Well, they have been proven to stop deaths in black spots, the deaths on roads with them have decreased by 50% (i cant remember the actual number but it was impressive).
Clarkson: Yeah, but they are so annoying!

Thats right Jeremy, peoples lives are far less important than you having a jolly in your expensive cars. You wanker.

Jury Duty

This week i have been mostly sitting back, getting out a calculator and working out how much i have owed to me. This is because I am undertaking what is probably the most profitable thing that a student can do, other than selling drugs. This is of course Jury Duty.

As i have been working for my dad and am therefore losing money by doing jury duty, i get compensation for that, ie £50 a day. This means that I am already not going to be losing money that week, however I can also add the 62 miles a day that I am forced to drive, and get paid 44p per mile to do so. When this comes into the maths, i can grab my 6 sixer and shoot it in the air whilst hollering and prancing around in a bow legged fashion, because by golly thats around 77 pounds that I am earning every day!

However, despite this sudden pot of gold falling into my lap, it feels like it has literally fallen into my lap and burst my testicles and broken my legs. The process of jurying is not one that is in any way efficient, and has shown me how archaic, ridiculous and pompous the legal system is in this country.

The case that i was a juror for in the last two days was for a man, who skipping some details, essentially filled in a form wrong. The case against him was brought by the crown meaning that it was the crown that was funding the case to be fought out by two very expensive lawyers, to pay me and 12 other jurors a wage to sit in the jurors box, pay the judge to sit a preside over it, and to pay for the countless clerks and other officials to come in and make statements and pass around numerous pieces of paper. This case took the jury less than 3 minutes to deliberate over, it was clear that the man had done nothing wrong, yet this case must have cost the taxpayer well over 5,000.

How can this be a worthwhile way of spending so much money?

So far this week I have spent a day sitting in a room reading, and getting paid to do so, I have had a day off, getting paid for it, and i have also arrived at 12 then left at 2 on one of the days, it is a flawed and useless system. This is even after the 2005 reforms, this just shows how useless the system still is and how the people who are involved in not just the upper echelons, but also the people who run the system from the bottom have been indoctrinated into a flawed system.

Despite being on jury duty and thus not being able to work, i have sat at home on both monday and tuesday of this week, meaning that civil obligation that i have to take part in has actually consisted of sitting on my arse and making the occasional phonecall to the court to check if i am needed the next day. What a brilliant way of wasting my time, my money and my patience. I hope that i never have to appear in court, not because the ordeal of a possible jail sentence may be stressful, but more the fact that i will be forced to endure the ridiculous process that is the court system.

The angry at Chelsea post

Jeremy Kyle

There is morning time, afternoon and evening, this is the natural order to a day, it can basically be segmented into these three categories for most people around the world. However i would like to propose a new time, that of 'student time'. This consists of anything between 10 in the morning and 4 in the afternoon, and the way that this can be defined is 'the time in which the majority of chat shows are broadcast'.
Everybody knows that chat shows are the life support of students, i could go for several days without eating as i have faith that Trisha and Jeremy (from now on known as Jezza) will supply me with all of the wholesome nutrients that my body needs to keep me fit any healthy, I have even heard rumours that Jezza's show does in fact contain 3 of your five a day. However, now that i can sustain myself from my parents fridge when i'm at home, I take less nutritional value from these shows than I would do in a cold foodless environment, and I realise that there is no other word to describe Jezza than as a wanker.
People are always so grateful to come on his show, they put on their best Argos Gold, iron their best adidas poppers and make sure that their hair is well and truly stuck to their head's before they walk out and sit in the most uncomfortable looking seats in history.
I dont see these chairs are places where one can place themselves to take the weight off their feet, they are nothing more than stocks, keeping these people in place so that both the audience and Jeremy Kyle can judge them for the poor excuses for human beings that they are and then pelt them with garbage, albeit in a verbal form.
The self righteous, arrogant and rude demeanour that Jezza puts across is not that of an educated man. It is that of a halfwit attempting to look intelligent, by using some incredibly basic and limited mechanisms. I will give you examples of this:

• The Overuse of the word 'right'

This word may be something powerful to be used once in a while, something to add punch to a sentence, to put your point across forcefully. Obviously doing anything in small measure is something that Jezza does not understand the concept of. He tyrades these people with garbage, and then uses the word 'right' instead of breathing or punctuating his sentences. In fact i think that should enough people actually watch his show, instead of having the mandatory full stop at the end of a sentence, microsoft will simply prompt you to type 'right' , as this has become a the correct way to finish a sentence right

• Where do you come from Jezza?

How many times can one man say 'Now (dramatic pause) where i come from people don't...'. Well Jezza, firstly where you come from, in a broad context, is Britain, and as the majority of the people who appear on your show are also British they come from the same place, so where you come from ie Britain people do actually take part in most bad things, rape, murder, molest kids, support the BNP, watch Jeremy Kyle (I know the last two are almost the same thing, i apologise for repetition) so taking the high ground doesnt really work. Unless he is being super duper specific, because that way he comes from his fathers testicles, so in his fathers testicles i would be incredibly suprised if a rundown alcoholic fellow left his wife on their wedding night to go and sleep with his secret lover.

• Raising your voice does not make what you say more important

Just to justify this point i am going to type the rest of this in CAPITAL LETTERS. WHAT I AM SAYING NOW IS NOT IMPORTANT, BUT IT WILL MAKE PEOPLE LOOK AT THIS PARAGRAPH AS IF IT IS. THIS IS THE SAME WAY THAT JEZZA MANAGES TO SEEM IMPORTANT, ITS ALMOST LIKE A VOCAL CHORDS CONTEST, A CASE IN POINT THAT THE MAN WITH THE LOUDEST VOICE CAN ACTUALLY WIN ANY ARGUMENT. MAYBE UNDER THIS RULE WE SHOULD HAVE BRIAN BLESSED AS PRIME MINISTER, THAT WAY NOBODY WOULD EVER FUCK WITH US.

Basically, the point of this post is that Jeremy Kyle is an imbeccile, he fools people into coming onto his show so that they can be verbally attacked by him. Imagine if somebody with intelligence came on his show and had an argument with him. If i did it would end up something like this:

Jezza: NOW...JUDE WHERE I COME FROM PEOPLE DON'T WRITE BLOGS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE

Jude:Really old Jezza, now where is it that you come from?

Jezza: RIGHT, I ASK THE QUESTIONS,RIGHT

Jude: Ok, Jeremy, go on you are amazing me, i am lost in your attractive 90's hairstyle and poetically, completely non grating spoken prose

Jezza: RIGHT WHY DID YOU FEEL THAT YOU HAD TO WRITE THAT BLOG RIGHT

Jude: Graham from behind the scenes asked me to do, it was a distraction because he has actually hung himself as i pointed out that he did all the hard fixing work sorting out these people who have suffered massive emotional problems, whilst you just nonchalantly perch on the steps making eyes at the moderately attractive guests. SORT YOURSELF OUT FOR GODSAKE...

G20 paranoia

It has been a while since i have had the time to write on my blog, which for everyone who reads them, is devastating. However, like a beacon of hope i have emerged from the embers of ridiculous amounts of uni work and much like a phoenix rise again to bring you some hard hitting, completely opinion based shananigans.
One of the reasons that i have not been able to write on here, as well as the uni work, has been that i have been working at the Times for a week. This was alot of fun, despite the obvious getting up at 8 every morning and fighting through the suits on the tube to get to the door. In this week i managed to get alot done, and have learnt a massive amount about working in a newspaper, and also a massive amount about how much free stuff they get. From the apparently unpaid work experience i managed to come away with a free xbox 360 game and two (slightly odd) books.

I think that i chose the right week to do my work experience as it was probably the most exciting news week of the year, as well as being across April fools day. One of the best things that i managed to do with myself during the week was to go to the financial fools protests in front of the bank of England. This was less of a protest than a shindig, despite how the press and the police want to justify the excessive restrictions put forth by the police.

When i arrived i walked out of Monument station and found that i was at the front of the protest, surrounded by odd smells, greasy hair and thousands of roll up cigarettes. This was quite fun, i saw somebody in a wheelchair being wheeled around blaring out Rage Against The Machine, and obvious child from the 90's. As i like this music i decided that i would walk next to them and not only enjoy the good music, but also have a little chuckle at the intense looking police force, who looked like they wanted to start a fight. They had donned riot gear for a bunch of hippies and students. I maintain that the reason for the lack of violence later was because the meeting time for the protest was 11, and as the majority of the people there were jobless, this was well before their normal waking time.

As i walked further i met up with my friend Oz, who was zipping around taking hundreds of photographs of generic dreadlocked hippies looking angry. He was one among thousands. When we eventually managed to get to the bank of England we climbed into the fenced off area in the middle of the square, as not only did this offer some respite from the pushing, but also, we thought that this would give us a better view from which we could take photos. Wrong. I couldnt even see the protesters as the photographers and reporters were totally surrounding the entire elevated area. I can honestly say that there were more photographers than protesters. My point in proven when you watch the RBS windows being smashed, nobody knew what was going to happen there, it was spontaneous, yet hundreds of photographers were around it, with seemingly only two protesters.

By this point however i had left, as i had to be back in the office, and i knew that the police would be shutting down the streets within minutes. So i walked back to the street that i had walked up, only to be confronted with several burly police officers. 'Sorry, you can't come through here' when i asked them why, and how this would stop the protests i got a generic 'move along sir'. I even pointed out that i was dressed smartly, smart shoes, chinos, shirt-i looked anything but a protestor. I even showed my pass for The Times House, to show that i was working there, not trying to bring down the establishment. I could understand not letting more people in, but people attempting to get out were stopped, how could i become more involved in a protest if i was walking away from it? If i wanted to cause havoc elsewhere in London, inconveniencing my passage would not stop me in the long run. I had to try five different roads until one police man said 'Mate, if you are working for The Times then you want to stay here, it will kick off'. Now this statement was wrong on so many levels, so i decided to point out the most obvious one 'Well Sir, as you probably understand, one condition of working somewhere is that you are in attendance at that place in order to perform the tasks to which you are assigned. If i am stuck in a crowd of smelly hippies, that means i am not at my desk, not doing my assigned work, and therefore am more likely to lose this oppurtunity'. He seemed to understand this and eventually, after multiple showings of my ID, my pass and several questions about why i was here, he let me through. Now i shall go onto the second reasont that this statement was wrong. If the forces which are assigned to the protest have a preconceived notion that things will 'kick off' then surely this shows a degree of paranoia. This was shown later on when the police reaction to what appeared to be minor scuffles was way over the top, and simply added to the problem.

So to be frank, this post is less about hippies protesting (fruitlessly) about bankers but more about a paranoid policing policy creating violence, where before none would have even been contemplated.

A tedious inevitability?

So i was watching the opening to a DVD today, the random adverts that for some reason there is no way to skip. This was really really annoying but i realised that i had inadvertadly predicted the future. Well i had kind of predicted the future. I was watching an ad for that random film with loads of people in about Nixons election and a load of chumps working in a hotel.
I realised, who was the last president elected in America who had the kind of power and backing that Obama has. Who was the last president to be elected at such a young age?
The answer is JFK. The fact that when i heard Obamas speech when he was sworn, in the political commentator said that the speech that it was most similar to was that of JFK.
This scares me, because i see Obama as a president for the future. Even if he turns out to be useless he will still be remembered by future candidates because the liberal promises that he made won him the election. Him winning will hopefully keep out the likes of Bush, Mccain and Palin for future generations so that we dont have to put up with the bullshit that they subjected the world to.
Everything at the moment is pointing to him being assasinated and it is absolutely atrocious. The massive amounts of perspex around him when he has given his most public speeches act as an indicator of the prejudice that the Bush regime has instilled on the population. The type of people that have voted for George Bush are the same people who want to kill Obama. He has instilled a degree of seclusionism not seen since the time of the Nazis. George Bush cannot be totally blamed for what he has done however, the face that he had a puppet master by the name of Chaney. This man didnt need to be elected yet was the man who created most of what George Bush did.
Just thinking about it makes me want to fucking kill them. Although i normally rant in my Blogs i dont generally write in total anger, but today i am. The damage that they have done to this world is irreversible.
So if the worst does happen, and i really wish that it doesnt, fuck going to the white supremesist inbred shit that probably fired the bullet, go to Dick and George's ranch as its their shit ideas and seclusion that has caused it.

Scrubbing up a pile of vomit

Some things worry me deeply and a lot of things confuse me. The Global credit crisis at the moment, snakes people shooting me, those things worry me. Particle acceleration, the universe and how people can keep falling under the spell of X factor, these things deeply deeply confuse me.
However one thing that i never thought would worry and confuse me would be Scrubs. I have watched this programme religiously for years and years, and what i like about it is the completely unpredictable nature of the show, the fact that at any time JD can have the most random thoughts and the storyline can hit absolutely any plot twists. The story line can go from Dr. Cox killing three people and going into a bout of depression to JD getting a DUI, having erectile problems and passing out everytime he has a dump.
Unlike Sitcoms like Friends there hasn't been an omnipresent 'will they wont they' as after four seasons of this with Elliott and JD, the writers, rightly, thought 'no, this is too predicable' and it stopped with a magnificently put together scene where the two of them admit to one another that they no longer have any kind of sexual feelings.
Since the writers strike meant that the seventh season was so fucked up that they ended it with a random fairy tale episode. So rather than making the eighth and last season original they took the plot of friends and made JD and Elliott start a relationship again. Well, its not the same! Ross and Rachel had 10 seasons to mould the back story to their eventual love, this was done in 30 seconds 'me and elliot had been spending more and more time together'. Brilliant, ruined my favourite TV programme.
Why would you ruin the last season, the one which will last in peoples memories for so long, by copying another show. I love Scrubs, but the writers have totally ruined the last season, it doesnt matter what happens in the final episodes, because it is completely FUCKED.

Beverley hills 9021...oh

So rather than getting involved in more debates about the pros and cons of protestors i have decided to vent my anger at the new series of Beverley Hills 90210, something that stopped in the 90's.
Well congratulations writers, if this is the next generation of this epic show then i think that the original show must have had sex with their sister. The sister would have been perfectly formed and probably more attractive than any other sister, but a sister none the less.
The ridiculous story lines in the first episode alone make me wonder if the credit crunch has meant that studios have actually adopted the 'one million monkeys in a room will eventually write shakespeare' theory, but just had a couple of monkeys, and very limited time.
Lets start with the love interest/jock/hunk. First impressions, he is getting a blowy from a random girl. How can the audience suddenley make the jump from 'prick' to 'nice guy' in one episode, it doesnt work.
The main character, the girl. Are you 15? No. To be honest although incredibly attractive i get the feeling that she could collapse at any time as her diet of steam doesnt cut it. How can you have this kind of girl as a main character in a show designed for teenage girls, she looks anorexic, and even if this is natural then girls will still want to look like that, and they will starve themselves.
Also the whole concept of rich kids using daddys money for their own means. Could they have chosen a worse time for this. Basically saying the general public 'ha, fuck your economic plight, look at how much better these people are than you'. Well i hope their private jets are hijacked, pricks.
The only redeeming feature is that now that i can get my rage out at a television programme the chances of me starting a fight with anybody is very slim, as after a viewing im all angered out. Plus the girls are attractive and my friend jonny enjoys the lacrosse.

Quite frankly, i have never been so genuinely excited about monday night next week, 9 o'clock on E4, miss it at your peril.

Mon' next weeks crapfest.

pathetic?

I wrote about how pathetic i thought people were about quantifying their humanity, but today i have to admit i was proven wrong.
The protestors that i saw today did nothing like that, instead they decided to sit either side of a gate with signs, and look angry.
Both sides of this argument were arguing for peace, but they are not campaigning for peace. Both sides are using the word 'peace' as a blanket expression for 'our objectives'.
The Israelis want peace in terms of 'stop firing crap at us' and the Palestinians want peace in terms of 'stop bombing us (but we wont stop doing the same)'. Now this is ridiculous, not just in terms of pathetic narrow minded people campaigning not out of thought and conscious objection but because all they are doing is escalating a situation which needs no escalating.
Will anybody from either protest group be friends now in Birmingham, thousands of miles away fromt the conflict? HELL NO. This is why it is ridiculous, if you are so fucking offended by the actions of a government why not go to Israel and protest, rather than on a manicured lawn at a well respected university. Pricks.

What was i thinking/protestors piss me off

so, i decided to start writing a blog.

I dont really know why i started writing it, i feel a bit like 1984, opening the blank book with the beautiful cover and having nothing in particular to write, i could start rambling on about a film where a woman is shot in a boat, but im not going to.

This is more like a 13 year old girl talking really fast but nothing that she says is relevant to any coherent sentence, or create any meaning to what she was trying to put forward. So what im getting at is that i am a thirteen year old girl who likes reading orwell, and cant write about boats.

I like to Rant, so i think that this is one way in which i am getting across my rantings. What am i fucked off with today?

Today i am fucked off with alot of things, but the thing that i am going to bitch about the most is going to be the Israelis. WOW IM ORIGINAL.

I am not going to rant about their ridiculous foreign policy etc, because thats done. As a student the reason that i am pissed off with this is because there are now a load of students preparing for a 'protest' tomorrow, and i am sure that this will infact involve a load of self loving pricks standing outside the front of the university waving over the top banners. At a protest the other day somebody got arrested. This was because he was wearing a hoody saying that all Israelis raped women. Now, is it just me that see's this as ironic? 'Fuck the Israelis, being predjudiced because of where someone lives, im going to protest and wear this hoody which is attempting to be big, but is stupendously badly chosen'. Fucking idiot.

Most of the people will be there to be seen there, i know so many people who will just turn up to be a rebel. Well, heres news, standing IN A CROWD, with a bunch of LIKE MINDED PEOPLE, you are going to blend in, you wont be an indivual, and your standing outside the front of university is not going to make the Israelis say 'wow, we have been pricks, lets just chill out.'

No the reason that you all are doing this is because you love the feeling of being able to quantify your humanity 'im more human than you, ive been to over 4 protests'. Well why dont you go and protest nuclear testing sites, literally on them, during testing, you self righteous pricks.